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T'was The Night Before Christmas
(Submitted by email December 2005)
Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas,
there did occur at a certain improved piece of real
property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of
stirring by all creatures therein, including, but
not
limited to a mouse.
A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks,
etc.,
had been affixed by and around the chimney in said
House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/
St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter
"Claus")
would arrive at sometime thereafter.
The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the
aforementioned House, were located in their
individual
beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations,
i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats,
including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or
sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear
in
said dreams.
Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes
hereinafter referred to as "I"), being the
joint-owner
in fee simple of the House with the parts of the
second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma
had
retired for a sustained period of sleep. (At such
time, the parties were clad in various forms of
headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)
Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there
did occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent
and appurtent to said House, i.e. the lawn, a
certain
disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or
circumstance. The party of the first part did
immediately rush to a window in the House to
investigate the cause of such disturbance.
At that time, the party of the first part did
observe,
with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a
miniature sleigh (hereinafter the "Vehicle") being
pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by
approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the
Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the
previously
referenced Claus.
Said Claus was providing specific direction,
instruction and guidance to the approximately eight
(8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal
co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer,
Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder and Blitzen (hereinafter
the "Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is
further asserted that an additional co-conspirator
named Rudolph may have been involved.)
The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the
Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully
trespass upon the roofs of several residences
located
adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and
noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with
packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or
nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or
permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle
arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House
via
the chimney.
Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was
partially covered with residue from the chimney, and
he carried a large sack containing a portion of the
aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown
items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in
a
small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances
and health regulations.
Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill
the
stockings of the minor children, which hung adjacent
to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts.
(Said
items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said
minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the
U.S. Tax Code.) Upon completion of such task, Claus
touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or
ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof
where
the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as
"lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an
unknown
destination.
However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer
and Claus from said House, the party of the first
part
did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry
Christmas
to all and to all a good night!" Or words to that
effect.
Respectfully Submitted,
s./ The Grinch /authorization of file above in
section 5489, part 8, paragraphs 15-30 as dictated by
DeepToot.
 
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